Perhaps equally important is awareness of the fantasies we create about the people we hire, the people we work with, and the power those fantasies have over our expectations and, therefore, the creation of nearly endless opportunities for avoidable disappointment.
A good person is sitting across your desk who doesn't *quite* fit what you hoped for but they're good, and smart, and...maybe they will become the person you truly want.
A smart worker with excellent people skills? You think: get them out front, get them in front of the customers doing demonstrations, presentations.... and you are so taken by your own fantasy that you cannot hear them say they truly are an infrastructure person, they love being behind-the-scenes support to the frontline of sales and in-field application engineers.
Time passes, your infrastructure person is doing wonderfully well infrastructuring, but you hold this low level (or even acute) disappointment that they've never stepped up to do technical sales or front line marketing at tradeshows that was part of your fantasy.
Think: Who created the disappointment?
This does not mean folks are static, stagnant or stuck. We all grow and change, skill sets expand, new experiences are sought out, roles shift, perhaps even in the direction of your fantasies.
But, at our core, each of us is truly ourselves. Introversion and extraversion really do matter. As a leader, it is up to you to see and hear the Truth-- the real truth, not your fantasy, and to foster an environment where strengths and preferences can be used to further the success of both the individual and the organization.
How do you begin? Begin by listening. And by believing. And by being truthful to yourself in deciding if the person's actual skills and preferences can be truly valued by you and in your organization, or if you need to hire someone else with different skills and preferences to fulfill the fantasy role.
Hint: If you start thinking...maybe they will become the person you truly want, stop. Fantasies often exist for a reason; perhaps they can expose a Need we want to fulfill.
If it is only possible to have a relationship if one person changes, wow. Think about that. How often does this happen? How authentic and long lasting was it?
Did everyone feel valued, seen, appreciated, and did the relationship flourish?
If we're talking about talent retention, valuing what someone brings to an organization is critical to their satisfaction and happiness. Bringing low level disappointment into every interaction keeps you from seeing them clearly and keeps them from feeling truly valued, seen, and appreciated.
Think about your team. Anyone there who you need to rediscover as they truly are and for the talents, experience and enthusiasm they offer, not obscured through the lens of who you hoped they would be?
